How do I love and how do I like?

Most of the times, when I go to love someone, I don't feel anything.
If I dote on someone, it's because they're cute and it's shallow.
I'm not choosing to break myself down and die for them if I just smile at them.
My love should and will be deeper than that.

~CJ

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Internal Emotional Wearing-down

Where I've come from: I have been driven by fear and a desire to please people. I hate that. I thought I could live for my own values and beliefs... but I haven't been able to. Not until this past Sunday. I told my mother off... I was breaking down inside. I have wanted to die for over a year now. Everything seemed hopeless. Not so much for me, but for my purpose and effective work on planet earth. I saw no fruit. I could labor for the rest of my days to live and serve my God. And never ever see the results... and not that I need to see something... but because I knew that what I did WAS POINTLESS. I was doing nothing. And it was because in my mother's eyes, I would never be ready. I would never be enough. She thought she was protecting. She wasn't letting me grow. I can't do more if all you let me do is what is safe. ~CJ

Thankful Thursday XI

Aaaggghhh... I am so behind in the blogging world, like one of my friends says, " it's not even funny. " *sighs* And I didn't get the chance to blog the Phriday Photos / Funnies - so I'll do a double one tomorrow :) . Anyways - what I'm thankful for this week: 30. BLOGS!!! - I'll admit it. When I first heard the word "blog", I thought the cyberworld couldn't get any sillier. Well, way to go, CJ. Just join the silliness. Evidently the silliness has its advantages O.O . It's a place for me to rant, rave, and ramble, whether or not my readers want to see it. It helps me organize my wordy thoughts. And!! I can share what's been on my mind without having to know if people are looking at me strangely... hehe. A more serious reason: I can share and read other's testimonies on how God is answering prayers: Answereth All !! *big smile* 31. 2 jobs - It's strange to say my piano teaching is a job, since I really enjoy telli...

Friday Funnies III / Phriday Fotos II

Asis: Woah - I just swallowed a ton of food. Jsis: Most people do... Asis: I meant at ONE time!! ________________________________________________________ A 5yo boy from Sunday School comes up to me holding a toy train and says, "LOOK! I am a fixer train . I'm the train that takes broken trains on the track to the fixer factory ." ________________________________________________________ Here's an excerpt from Anne of the Island that makes me laugh every time I read it: [Anne] "You won't say naughty words, or run away on Sundays, or tell falsehoods to cover up your sins?" "No. It doesn't pay," said Davy. "Well, Davy, just tell God you are sorry and ask Him to forgive you." "Have YOU forgiven me, Anne?" "Yes, dear." "Then," said Davy joyously, "I don't care much whether God does or not." "Davy!" "Oh -- I'll ask Him -- I'll ask Him," said Davy qu...

Various Cogitations Jumbled

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