Internal Emotional Wearing-down

Where I've come from: I have been driven by fear and a desire to please people.
I hate that. I thought I could live for my own values and beliefs... but I haven't been able to.
Not until this past Sunday.
I told my mother off...

I was breaking down inside.
I have wanted to die for over a year now.
Everything seemed hopeless.
Not so much for me, but for my purpose and effective work on planet earth.
I saw no fruit.
I could labor for the rest of my days to live and serve my God.
And never ever see the results... and not that I need to see something...
but because I knew that what I did WAS POINTLESS.
I was doing nothing.

And it was because in my mother's eyes, I would never be ready.
I would never be enough.
She thought she was protecting.
She wasn't letting me grow.
I can't do more if all you let me do is what is safe.

~CJ