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GMAT studies...

Can you tell when Satan is trying to get you not to do something, by

  • making it really difficult?
  • making you think you're not capable?
  • making you think you shouldn't do such a crazy, impossible feat?
  • making you think maybe God doesn't want you to do it?
  • making you forget you do all things through Christ and not yourself?
He did all of those to me in the past week and a half that I've been studying for the GMAT.  And it climaxed today after dinner as I was "complaining" to my parents how the GMAT is beyond my abilities.  

I decided in less than 48 hours to go for a specific MBA and take the GMAT in about 2 months.  I was confident I could get into that school, by God's grace, even though there are only 5 spots for students with no previous work experience.  I knew that God would help me on the exam, to either, get an amazing score and easily get in OR get a mediocre score and somehow the school still accepts me, all to glorify His name.  Regardless, He would allow me, an incapable and unworthy candidate, to achieve something quite impossible.  And I can honestly say, at that time I didn't have a speck of "Oh, I can do this."  It was completely, "God will do this in my life."

And Satan came in a twisted all that.  I started to grade my practice exams, pinpoint my weak points, review and learn certain concepts, and assess my situation.  All in all, it wasn't the wrong thing to do.  I need to improve and know where and how to improve.  But I came up against a wall.  I felt like I couldn't do any better, even though my 2 practice tests had a fair score increase.  I felt like certain concepts where ones I hadn't learned, even in college. The test-maker's logic and word-flow didn't "click" with me and I panicked somewhat.   I felt unstable in all areas, critical reasoning, reading comprehension... even in problem solving and sentence correction!  

How was I supposed to construct a solid foundation and be examined in just 2 months?  What if, on the computer version, I started out badly and brought down my score?  What if the real test isn't like what the prep material makes it out to be?  What if, what if, what if?  Maybe I'm not ready to take a graduate-level entrance exam.  Maybe, God doesn't even want me to take this.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

He created a lot of doubts in my mind, that should never have occurred.  I forgot that God was going to do the amazing and I wasn't.  It's not very amazing for someone who's been scoring 750 to get an 800 on the real exam, is it?  But from 450 to a minimum of 700 (my goal) is definitely to His Glory.  Wouldn't you agree?  It's more "incredible" for someone to struggle on the content and format preparation and score high, than for someone to breeze through the preparation and score high.

I want to bring God glory.  It just doesn't often strike me that, it's not supposed to be easy, and it won't be easy.  But I was created for that and I can't get away with not doing so.  I also need to remember, Satan hates it when God gets the glory.  He'll try at all costs to divert me from that goal.  He lies about reality all the time.  He gains the victory when I give in.  I will NOT let him do that.

My father was sweet and very patient with me earlier this evening.  He sat for over 2 hours with me, and we worked through all but 4 of the quantitative and verbal problems that I had answered incorrectly.  Of course, in the quantitative section, he pointed out my error almost immediately.  For verbal problems, we worked through them one step at a time.  Hey, English is not his native language and he ended up with the right answer usually.  It's shameful to me to need to ask him for help in this area, but I "tip my hat to him."  In the end, a lot of the confusion I had was cleared up and he ended with some encouraging words.  My daddy is the most intelligent man and father in the world.  Don't bother to argue with me. ;)

And in conclusion, I am now ready to conquer the GMAT entirely by God's strength and wisdom.  Prayerfully, Satan will diminish his attacks, but God is good and He is faithful. 

Hope you all enjoyed the long weekend!  I'm pumped to start the week! :D

Blessings,
~CJ

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