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Surprising even myself...

I stepped WAY out of my comfort zone today.  At least, my comfort zone of 2010... even further out of my comfort zone of 2009 and 2008. It's amazing how having students who look up to you forces you to do what you would never do if you had a choice.  That's not the only thing that's changed me in the last couple years, but it's what comes to mind. I don't think most of my readers/followers know the intensity of my shyness when I was younger.  I hated  and I mean, hated , talking with new people.  I didn't like talking on the phone.  I didn't even want to talk with old friends that I hadn't seen in a little over a year.  I didn't want the attention people gave when I was saying something.  I was so cross and stern-looking when I spoke, my parents thought I had happiness/joy issues. I'm not sure if I liked that feature about me, but I blamed it on my personality. I don't know if it was fear, pride, or a mixture of the two.  I just didn...
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Internal Emotional Wearing-down

Where I've come from: I have been driven by fear and a desire to please people. I hate that. I thought I could live for my own values and beliefs... but I haven't been able to. Not until this past Sunday. I told my mother off... I was breaking down inside. I have wanted to die for over a year now. Everything seemed hopeless. Not so much for me, but for my purpose and effective work on planet earth. I saw no fruit. I could labor for the rest of my days to live and serve my God. And never ever see the results... and not that I need to see something... but because I knew that what I did WAS POINTLESS. I was doing nothing. And it was because in my mother's eyes, I would never be ready. I would never be enough. She thought she was protecting. She wasn't letting me grow. I can't do more if all you let me do is what is safe. ~CJ
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Simplified Decisions

I got another letter in the mail earlier today, this time from Moore (South Carolina business school). My hunches are scarily frequently accurate.  I wasn't upset, but I knew it wasn't going to be joyous news.  Bluntly, I was rejected again. I was tempted to get bummed, but I pushed that feeling aside. The reason being, it's what my Mother wanted.  Let me explain before you think my Mother is either delirious or cruel. Ever since I made the decision to get an MBA and picked out a couple schools to attend, Mother dear started praying God would only open 1 door and close all others. She didn't tell me.  So, I really wondered why she wasn't as sad as I expected her to be when we found out I had been rejected from Babson and  Duke. (My Mother really, really, really  wanted me to go to Duke for several reasons). It's pretty apparent that I will be going to Acton School of Business now.  I'm technically still waiting to hear from Carnegie Mello...
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