6/15
It's so good to be home. I'm relaxed. I can sleep more. I'm tired, but a good kind. I had coffee and I'm chatting like crazy with a college friend. I chat and type too much. My life plans are almost constantly changing. I'm going to be independent... as in pay for all my expenses. It's weird. I said that I would subsidize my kids' costs when I had my own, and my parents don't entirely agree with that concept on a theoretical level, but as soon as I made the proposal, they started trying to be helpful and subsidizing my costs. Sometimes I get frustrated with my parents, but thinking back on this case it's actually pretty funny.
I've been gaining a lot of jewelry in the past few years. For some reason, I feel okay wearing jewelry people gave me because they care. I don't want to wear jewelry to make myself look pretty. I want people to comment so I can say, someone I love gave it to me and they cared so much they gave me something so beautiful. I don't want something *I* picked and flashing it around to prove that I've rich, fashionable, or classy.
I don't get why so many people use only Apple and don't try new things. It's expensive and not infallible.
I love people observing... I learn a lot about human nature and about how I'm different. I learn about how I should deal with people and the type of person I want to be. I see cause and effect. I see underlying trends.
6/16
I love kids. I'd be wasting space online, but imagine I said that one thousand times and meant that every single time. I wish I realized that was my calling and that it was ok if that was all I did for the rest of my life. It's alright if I don't accomplish some great thing in order to have paid God back for the talents He gave me. Nope, if I can love and change the lives of all the children I touch, my life will be complete.
I wonder why as I gain more knowledge, I feel and know that I know less. I'm scared of making conclusions while at the same time, I know that if I don't make decisions with the data I have, I will never move forward.
I found out that I grew 2 cm since I last measured myself (which was sometime in the last year). I'm pretty pumped. I thought I was done for sure. There's still hope for me to be 5'8"! I don't really have a goal and I really have no control over that, but it's still fun to think that I'm a little out of the ordinary growing after I'm out of my teens.
I love my friends. I've pushed them aside for too long. I've put accomplishments above friends for the majority of my life. As much as I admire the stoics who might get more done, people are more important than things. You can always do something but there won't always be the chance to love those most dear to you. And if you never make the effort to grow close to people, you've let the most endearing things in life slip away.
Things change. I've changed. I don't know if I like that. It's for the better but I don't know what to expect of myself anymore.
I am so much like my mother and father. I argue like they do. I think like they do. I move like they do. I sneeze like they do. I worry like they do. I get frustrated like they do. I laugh like they do. I fall like they do. I cry like they do.
But I am also so different from them. I don't get where my foolhardiness comes from. I don't get where my crazy ideas come from. I don't get where my apathy of what others think of me comes from. I don't get where my stubbornness to go against the flow comes from.
I wonder if I worry as much I did when I was in college. Is it bad that I care less about so many things?
Oh ... I've discovered that as I've grown up, I get more and more terrified of scary/gory parts in movies. Like, I have to cover up my eyes and ears and curl up into a ball if there is any indication of intense pain, blood, or death. As a child and teen, those types of things never bothered me. The only times I covered my eyes were when it got mushy romantic and too much mouth-to-mouth contact (which I still cover my eyes for).
I'm much less of an introvert after Acton (I know my classmates would tend to disagree). I can talk to strangers without freaking out. Unfortunately, I don't remember the process of transitioning out of this fear, so I'm going to be of little help to those going through the same trouble, except that I can tell them I used to be crazy timid and am not so much anymore.
It's so good to be home. I'm relaxed. I can sleep more. I'm tired, but a good kind. I had coffee and I'm chatting like crazy with a college friend. I chat and type too much. My life plans are almost constantly changing. I'm going to be independent... as in pay for all my expenses. It's weird. I said that I would subsidize my kids' costs when I had my own, and my parents don't entirely agree with that concept on a theoretical level, but as soon as I made the proposal, they started trying to be helpful and subsidizing my costs. Sometimes I get frustrated with my parents, but thinking back on this case it's actually pretty funny.
I've been gaining a lot of jewelry in the past few years. For some reason, I feel okay wearing jewelry people gave me because they care. I don't want to wear jewelry to make myself look pretty. I want people to comment so I can say, someone I love gave it to me and they cared so much they gave me something so beautiful. I don't want something *I* picked and flashing it around to prove that I've rich, fashionable, or classy.
I don't get why so many people use only Apple and don't try new things. It's expensive and not infallible.
I love people observing... I learn a lot about human nature and about how I'm different. I learn about how I should deal with people and the type of person I want to be. I see cause and effect. I see underlying trends.
6/16
I love kids. I'd be wasting space online, but imagine I said that one thousand times and meant that every single time. I wish I realized that was my calling and that it was ok if that was all I did for the rest of my life. It's alright if I don't accomplish some great thing in order to have paid God back for the talents He gave me. Nope, if I can love and change the lives of all the children I touch, my life will be complete.
I wonder why as I gain more knowledge, I feel and know that I know less. I'm scared of making conclusions while at the same time, I know that if I don't make decisions with the data I have, I will never move forward.
I found out that I grew 2 cm since I last measured myself (which was sometime in the last year). I'm pretty pumped. I thought I was done for sure. There's still hope for me to be 5'8"! I don't really have a goal and I really have no control over that, but it's still fun to think that I'm a little out of the ordinary growing after I'm out of my teens.
I love my friends. I've pushed them aside for too long. I've put accomplishments above friends for the majority of my life. As much as I admire the stoics who might get more done, people are more important than things. You can always do something but there won't always be the chance to love those most dear to you. And if you never make the effort to grow close to people, you've let the most endearing things in life slip away.
Things change. I've changed. I don't know if I like that. It's for the better but I don't know what to expect of myself anymore.
I am so much like my mother and father. I argue like they do. I think like they do. I move like they do. I sneeze like they do. I worry like they do. I get frustrated like they do. I laugh like they do. I fall like they do. I cry like they do.
But I am also so different from them. I don't get where my foolhardiness comes from. I don't get where my crazy ideas come from. I don't get where my apathy of what others think of me comes from. I don't get where my stubbornness to go against the flow comes from.
I wonder if I worry as much I did when I was in college. Is it bad that I care less about so many things?
Oh ... I've discovered that as I've grown up, I get more and more terrified of scary/gory parts in movies. Like, I have to cover up my eyes and ears and curl up into a ball if there is any indication of intense pain, blood, or death. As a child and teen, those types of things never bothered me. The only times I covered my eyes were when it got mushy romantic and too much mouth-to-mouth contact (which I still cover my eyes for).
I'm much less of an introvert after Acton (I know my classmates would tend to disagree). I can talk to strangers without freaking out. Unfortunately, I don't remember the process of transitioning out of this fear, so I'm going to be of little help to those going through the same trouble, except that I can tell them I used to be crazy timid and am not so much anymore.
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